Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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