Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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