I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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