if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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