I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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