Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
