Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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