Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
