dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
