at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
