After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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