Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
