So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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