Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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