listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
