I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
