hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
