Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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