Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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