Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
