I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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