So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
