Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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