took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
tell me about the eggs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
