I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
