have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
