There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
