it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
