I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
