Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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