dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
