i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
