theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
