Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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