Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
