also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
