Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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