I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
