Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
