It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
