I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
