Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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