The best revenge is premature balding
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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