He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
