So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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