But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
