I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
