saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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