wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
