i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
